On Rapprochement and Homelessness

Rapprochement is a French word meaning, “an establishing or restoring of a close, harmonious or sympathetic relationship.”

The word is typically used in connection with foreign diplomacy, as in two countries seek a rapprochement after a rift, war or prolonged suspension of relations.

It's a smooth-sounding word, a noun rife with connotations of potentially positive outcomes, such as healing, understanding, a viable new friendship, or at least a steady peace.

Rapprochement has been on my mind recently as it relates to the subject of homelessness.

So many of the homeless people I have met and got to know the last few years are in need of rapprochement with their families. I hear their stories of long-term estrangement from siblings, parents, children for a multitude of reasons and never hear much about attempts from either party to begin a rapprochement. The one major exception to this is Mark from the Old Crow Book Club, who has several family members who have tried to help him alleviate or end his homelessness and he's not estranged from them anyway.

I have often wondered what I would feel or do if I had a family member who was homeless. And what if I did, and was bitterly estranged from them? How would I go about with rapprochement in a scenario like that? What should be the goal? Should there even be a stated one or should it all just unfold without an agenda, demands or expectations? Does the issue that instigated the war, rift or suspension of relations need to be addressed in the process? Perhaps. Maybe it all begins by asking “How are you?”

I don't know. There are no diplomatic protocols for matters of the heart, at least that's what poets say. We go on guts and hearts and intuitions and perhaps not what a paid therapist, talk show host, or conventional wisdom advises or dictates. Anger and blame don't seem to be productive emotions when attempting to initiate rapprochement. A failed rapprochement, I think, is better than not trying at all.

How does one initiate rapprochement with someone who was formerly dear to them but whose relationship was destroyed by known, unknown, imposed, self inflicted, misunderstood, conniving or maligning forces, and now that formerly dear person is homeless?

I don't know. I have no direct experience with this as it relates to homelessness, but in recent years I did attempt multiple efforts to begin rapprochement with people who were once an important presence in my life but vanished for whatever reason. None of my attempts succeeded.

Despite this failure, I believe the best way to initiate rapprochement is with face-to-face communication. All wars ultimately must end that way, with peace accords signed with a real pen on real parchment. Yes, face-to-face is undoubtedly the best. There is nothing I can add to that except real face-to-face means you have to move your body, walk across the street, drive across town, travel a hundred miles, traverse an ocean. It's clearly too much for many people.

I wonder if some of the workers tasked with alleviating the crisis of homelessness suggest rapprochement with family members to the homeless they are trying to help. Surely they must be but I've never read a single account where such a strategy has been employed.

An email of decent length works pretty well, but it's still a bit formless and lacks something, at least to me, that is corporeal.

A phone call is a superb method. Voices are important to hear. There are feeling and nuance in them. There is listening. There is asking and answering in complete sentences. There is the sound of humans forgiving one another and accepting responsibility. There is the sound of swallowing pride and moving forward into new terrain of more formidable friendship and leaving behind the previous flimsy ground. There is asking for help.

A handwritten letter is an incredible method of rapprochement. Cards induce smiles and tears. More cards. Cards, cards, cards. Old cheesy Hallmark cards with fat fonts and groovy line illustrations can move people in a better direction.

A text message seems inadequate to initiate rapprochement, although one could argue it's better than nothing. A drunken text message late at night is a disaster. A post on social media means ?

As for my homeless acquaintances, I wonder if it is too late for any attempt at rapprochement with family or close friends. I want to believe not, but perhaps that's wishful thinking.

I am sure others have employed successful methods of ingenious rapprochement in their lives that I failed to mention here. Whatever it takes to annihilate the whatever. Employ any method at your disposal. Then follow through. I know that works both ways, too, especially with my limited experience of working with the homeless. Follow through is everything when it comes to successful rapprochement.